Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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