I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
