We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
