Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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