pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
