his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
