I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
