You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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