At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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