just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
