Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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