She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
