plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
