:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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