In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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