I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
