i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
