Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize