Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will be naked everywhere
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
