i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
