No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
