You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
