I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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