so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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