Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
