Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize