Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
