when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
