paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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