You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
