If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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