Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize