No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
