Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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