epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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