You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
