i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
