I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
