i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize