I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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