i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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