i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
