just tell him i said nine months
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
