I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
