I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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