OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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