Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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