My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
