am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize