I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
