My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
