Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
