If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
