I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
