Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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