Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's blow job season.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
