there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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