And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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