just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
