homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize