She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
someone owes me an orgasm
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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