OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
