I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
