Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
