There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize