dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you never un-have a 4some
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
