he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
