roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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