Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
